So my boyfriend Ryan is getting ready to leave for 4 days to go to a music festival. We currently aren't getting along. My mind is too absorbed with myself. I really hate it.
This is a message I sent him via Facebook:

i feel like you are tired of me.
you don't want to deal with me.
i'm useless, really.
i want to snap my fingers and go somewhere alone and far away. dead or alive, i don't really care.
i don't please you enough
i'm really not pretty.
my arm pits stink.
my hair is awful.
i hate my abnormal rib.
i'm glad you like my boobs and butt.
i wish i was happier.
i love you alot, i just don't know how to show it.
i'm fucking depressed.
let me enjoy my warped mind, i know it is annoying but it's the least you can do.
i suck at everything... except your dick.
my mind travels to distant places, searching for happiness... when it returns it's that much more miserable.
maybe i don't deserve you?
maybe i should pull my mom out of her marriage and just be with her.
i love my cat. she never hurts me (well, not emotionally)
i'm pathetic
i really don't think my self esteem is that low... but i suppose it may be.
i hate crying.
i hate eating greasy food.
i don't want "fat heather" back.
i enjoy being like an old woman and sitting around watching wheel of fortune and cleaning.
i hate being alone, but i also hate being around lots of people.
i like doing laundry, even yours.
i really wish i didn't eat the burger today.
i'm fucked.


His response:

i told you how i feel. it made me cry. i feel lonely. i feel i have to be strong enough for both of us, when i really just want you to hold me and make me feel better. i don't know what to do.

you're not pathetic, i love your rib, but i could really care less about how you look. i loved heather 128 and i love heather 107.7. it doesn't really matter.

i don't like eating greasy food either. i could just keep eating subway and salads, that's fine with me. i feel horrible and unattractive. there was a short period of time that i felt ok, but you wanted nothing to do with me. hopefully it will come back.

i say i want you to touch me, but i really don't. i feel awful right now.

i'm not sick of you but i'm trying to disconnect from you a little so i don't feel let down.

i love your stinky armpits.

i love your hair.

you really are pretty.


i love you.